From Lesbian to Gay Man: Hop for Visibility, Awareness, and Equality

haphobiaumbrella2016-2Welcome, and thank you for visiting my page today. It’s International Day Against Homophobia, Bi- and Transphobia. For more information about participating blogs, please see the links below or go to Hop for Visibility, Awareness and Equality.

There’s a giveaway at the end of the post, so be sure to enter!



MY JOURNEY with the being LGBTQ+ started off with having my first girlfriend, and labeling myself a lesbian. I was sixteen. At the time, I didn’t identify with being a lesbian. I just happened to love a girl, and she was a girl, and that was that. She’s never dated a girl before either, but she identified as a straight girl who happened to date a girl. (As far as I know, she’s currently happily married with kids somewhere in Washington.) However, my family and friends and everyone else forced the lesbian label on us, so we eventually we adopted it, and embraced it.

After we broke up, I went to college, and met a man, and I fell in love with him too. But I was a lesbian, right? I decided to keep labeling myself as a lesbian, and said I was just dating a man as a fluke. Again, it was society that had a hard time understanding this. The lesbian label they gave to me, they now wanted to take away, because I was dating a man. I lost friendships for this, and was ostracized by my local LGBT community. It was one of my darkest times.

My boyfriend and I broke up after five years, and I met someone else. Another boy. I finally shed my lesbian label, and said I was bisexual. Later this boy would come out to me as a transwoman, and I’d embrace that.

We parted ways, and I ended up meeting and marrying a man. I’ve never hid anything from my partners about my past, so each one has accepted this additional part of me. You know how they tell you to never fully discuss your sexual past with potential lovers? Well for me, it’s a litmus test I put everyone through, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Then I came out a transman.  I wasn’t a lesbian; I wasn’t bisexual. I was a pansexual transman, who married a man. However, even though I identify that way now, I fully realize the fluidity of my gender and sexuality, and I reason that some day, there may be other words we create that will describe me more to my liking. You never know.

Just the other day, someone asked me how I knew I was gay (as in, a gay man). While this question startled me at first, it’s not a bad thing to represent more than one color of the rainbow.




King of the Storm ebook, a bisexual fantasy!

Please comment on the post to be included in the giveaway (leave your email address so I can contact you).

I’ll be contacting the winner on the 27th.




Other blogs:

Jamie Fessenden

Rory Ni Coileain

Erica Pike (M/M)

Andrew Jericho (GAY)

Tempeste O’Riley (M/M)

The Macaronis [various]

Elin Gregory [M/M]

Alexa MIlne

Nic Starr (M/M)

Evelise Archer (MM)

Sue Brown

Elizabeth Varlet (M/M, BI, NB)

Raven J. Spencer

Sharing Links and Wisdom (REV)

Lisa Horan (REV/Multi)

Archer Kay Leah (M/M, F/F, TR, NB, BI, ACE)

Alexis Duran (M/M)

Jules Dixon

R.M. Olivia

Heloise West (M/M)

Angel Martinez (M/M GAY BI TR)

Amelia Bishop (MULTI)

Moonbeams over Atlanta – Eloreen Moon (MM, REV, MULTI)

Helena Stone (M/M )

AM Leibowitz (M/M, F/F, BI, TR, NB, REV)

L.D. Blakeley (M/M, BI)

Lila Leigh Hunter [M/M, BI]

Sharon Bidwell

Nicole Dennis (M/M, ACE, M/M/F)

Lexi Ander

Barbara G.Tarn (M/M, ACE)

Kaje Harper M/M, TR, BI


JM Snyder

Dean Pace-Frech

Kimber Vale

Jacintha Topaz (BI, F/F, M/M, TR)

Prism Book Alliance® (MULTI)

Eva Lefoy (M/M, F/F, F/M/F, BI, MULTI)

Lou Sylvre (M/M)

Anne Barwell

Viki Lyn (M/M)

Sean Michael

Remmy Duchene (MM)

Sharita Lira writing as BLMorticia M/M

Barbara Winkes (LES)

Bronwyn Heeley (m/m)

L. J. LaBarthe

VJ Summers (m/m, m/m/f)

Nikka Michaels (M/M)

Caraway Carter (LGBT)

L M Somerton (M/M)

Taylor Law (GAY)

Anastasia Vitsky (F/F, TR, BI)

Draven St. James (M/M)

A.V. Sanders (GAY, ACE, NB)

Lynley Wayne

DP Denman (GAY)

M.A. Church M/M

Andrew J. Peters GAY

Dianne Hartsock MM

M. LeAnne Phoenix M/M F/F

Cherie Noel (M/M)

Chris McHart (M/M, Bi, Trans)


  1. You always state things so beautifully. Labels and titles are fascinating. I always like to think that I don’t have to worry about those sorts of things, but to participate in polite society (or even is not so polite society) labels are important.

    I don’t often think on how I define myself in labels anymore. After serving in the military, I was pretty much through with them. As I worked my way through my degree, I have found that labels for some are “who” and “what” we are.


    1. Wow! The military! Not only did you have labels there, but ranks and everything. That can be soothing to some, but incredibly frustrating to others.


  2. I always love reading your posts and updates because they do talk about the nitty gritty people don’t always like to see. Sexuality is so fluid, and people are so into labeling it and us one way or the other. I’m bisexual, but met my husband at 16 so I’ve been seen as ‘straight’ for a loooong time by many. Just a few months ago we went on one of those vacation package spiels and they researched me. Very awkwardly the guy doing our spiel and the floater info guy asked, “You’re a straight woman married to a man, so how can you write gay stuff?” I laughed and told them being married to a man didn’t make me straight. Watching them squirm mentally to process that was actually kind of fun. My husband just shook his head.


    1. I’m super proud of you for standing out to them. I have also found that when I was in a relationship with a man, and identifying as a woman, that I had to be very outspoken about my queerness, more so than I do nowadays. It’s tiring, but very important for people to see that we are not invisible. We are among all of you. Listening. It’s always amazed me what people assume about someone just because they see a man and a woman together.
      Thanks for sharing!


    2. Lol, I love how you reacted, it was just beautiful. I can just imagine how the salesperson reacted to that statement. Though I think your husband’s reaction was even better, and says a lot about his character, not to mention your relationship. 🙂


  3. Great post. I guess there must have been some evolutionary benefit to the deep-seated human need to put everyone into neat little boxes, but it’s high time we outgrew it. 🙂


    1. You know what’s funny? I kinda like labels! I’ve been a scientist for many years, and there’s something comforting about putting people into boxes, or filling out little bubbles on a multiple choice. But I also hate labels, because unlike scientists, people put negative connotations on labels, and turn that hatred toward others.


  4. So proud of you, Brock!!!

    P.s. Also trans & pan, here!!!


  5. I have been a Transman for 20 years the hard part for me is not being able to get on T yet because it has been one medical thing or another with me or family getting in the way. As a 45 year old I have not found a lot of people like me till I got on FB 4 years ago I now have people who cheer me on and help me find info on FTM. One of thing that bring me joy and hope is reading the M/M eBook’s that these grate authors have written for us to read. They make me feel not so alone in the hay is there love out there, can I find it too, god I am giving up on love then I read one of the books and think ok I can do this lets find love. Some time I don’t think the authors understand how much they bring in to our lives , and some times how much it is need just to keep that one person from giving up on there dreams of being who they are and not what others say we should be. Your books bring us love, pride in who we are, the courage, strength and feelings that we are not the only ones out there dealing day to day with every thing the world throws at us as a LGBT community. Thank you for putting your hearts and souls into what you All write for us.


    1. Fantastic post, John. I have met amazing trans folks through FB, twitter, & Tumblr. And am about to meet a few, soon, this year. The Internet saved my life. Honestly, I wouldn’t be here, without the people on the sites I’ve been to.


  6. It sucks that people have to put labels on everything. Thanks for sharing <3



  7. Labels have become confusing…
    you are YOU



  8. Thank you for sharing your personal journey with us for the hop.


  9. Thank you for your honesty and I hope for a day when no one has to declare or explain anything. Your journey was touching and I wish you the best of luck. Fellow blog hop stop, so please don’t include me in the drawing, just visiting everyone’s posts to say hello and educate myself more.


  10. All my life I wondered why I never fit in. What was wrong with me? I began to explore social media and went through a ‘that’s me’ revelation, finding out what was really going on inside my head.

    I admire you. You have the guts to be who you are.


  11. Such a wonderful and thought-provoking post that brought out the philosopher in me. Personally, I think rather than just getting rid of labels altogether that we realize that there’s two kinds of labels: ones that give an idea of who we are and stereotypes. Labels can be important, as they can help people identify themselves and learn who they are (so long as those labels aren’t forced onto them by others). However, I think labels become a problem when they turn into stereotypes because people assume that just because someone has a certain label, that means they have to act a certain way. Thanks for sharing such an interesting and engaging post B.A. and for having the courage to share about yourself.



    1. I love that–there are two kinds of labels: ones that harm, and ones that guide us. You are so right!


  12. Thanks for sharing your journey. What is it about labels, anyway? Why do we need shorthand to describe something as complicated as human sexuality?
    (And speaking of covers, your’s is pretty awesome.)


  13. Such a lovely post. I feel you so hard on this. I first understood I liked girls at 16, and the only word I knew for “girls who like girls” was lesbian. So when I got my first boyfriend, I asked him, “What would you do if I was a lesbian? would that be ok?” and he was like “… idk what you’d want to date me for if that were the case, but uh. I mean it’s fine if you like girls???” haha. It wasn’t until my early 20’s that I learned the word bisexual and realized that in my head, that was what I knew it always was, I just had no idea what the label was.

    Anyway, thank you so much for sharing. 🙂


  14. Thanks for sharing your story with us.
    sstrode at scrtc dot com


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